opportunity

jan 2

more signs that it will be a good year. not that i believe in signs but in this case...why not?

-i never play solitaire. and when i have...its usually on the computer. since i was tired and a bit hungover i decided yesterday to listen to music, sit outside and play solitaire. first hand, i won. i decided to leave the cards out and not play again.

-got an email from campus progress today asking me to write them a op ed on the writers strike and the return of the daily show/late night shows despite the strike.

keep it up...

fashion and a few things

So, I am going back to Southern California for New Years. New York didn't really work out. People flaked, its too cold, etc. This trip was suppose to be dedicated to friends and family. NYC wasn't really giving me that suddenly. Anyways, I got some airline credit. So I will probably try again in a couple months. OR finally hit up Chicago. Haven't been there yet...

So this blog for the last week has been pretty light. I am working on a blog detailing the cultural impacts and differences of Eminem and Justin Timberlake. Await with suspense...

Other than that, spending time with the family down in Houston, T.X. Fly out to Cali in a couple days...

One thing I do find interesting every time I spend time away from home, is that I get a fill of television. Being a little hip jerk from Portland I feel like I got the pulse on alot of what is popular in american culture. Television usually lets me know that I am totally out of the loop sometimes.
Anyways, I was flipping through my Mom's Vogue(yes, I love Vogue...fuck you) and discovered an ad that looked strangely familar. Upon closer inspection it was the work of none other than Terry Richardson.
Some might find the cross between high-art/psuedo-porn/pulp photographer Terry Richardson with the commercialism of a Belevedere Vodka advertisement a bit strange....but I thought it was perfect.
Jurgen Teller worked for Marc Jacobs. Why not Richardson for Belevedere Vodka?
Plus, anyone who has been paying attention will know that Richardson has been photographing for the Paris-based fashion/art magazine Purple for sometime now.

A couple days later I am watching television with my sister and voila...a commercial featuring Terry and Vincent Gallo.

it was only a matter of time...



\

Flakes

hate 'em. Sure we've all done it. But damn when you go and lie about it...ugh.

holiday

I have been completely lazy on this blog. However, as of yesterday I began my two week holiday. This will consist of a week with the family (who has recently re-located to a northern suburb of Houston, Texas) and a week running around the snowy streets of New York City.

Before arriving in Houston I have pretty much heard nothing but negative things from most people. However, getting the opinions of people who live in Portland on major cities is a bit biased and not necessarily how I judge a city. The opinion of Portlanders in regards to whether or not they like a city probably consists of any combination of these things:

-vegetarian/vegan restaurants
-bike-ability
-public trans
-if it recently appeared on the hipster radar(vice mag, pitchforkmedia, or some other faux-artsy mag that I don't know about and thus proving my rapid decline into the unhip.-HA.)

As I write this list I suddenly realize that either I am completely wrong on how most Portlanders tend to judge a city or I have just been talking to a lot of hypocrites. Los Angeles rocks at two of these aspects and yet someone can practically get a black eye for claiming love for L.A. in Portland.

That being said I come to Houston with neither high nor low expectations. Rather, I come with open arms ready to embrace all the strange, gross and amazingness of this southern Texas town. True, I will be spending most of my time in a northern suburb and probably won't really get a feel for the city but here is how I plan to get in on a bit of the pulse of the lone star state...

-Go to some thrift stores
-drink Lone Star
-eat at Sonic
-listen to the local hip-hop station constantly.
-oh and go to some museums (which surprisingly...Houston has tons of. For instance, Museum of Photography currently has an exhibit dedicated to the Sanchez Brothers. *see below*)

Having arrived on three hours sleep, things so far have been relatively uneventful. However, last night I was awoken by a thunder storm like I have never seen. Lighting about every 2 seconds, thunder about every 4 seconds, hard rain with a strong wind rattling the windows. The strange thing about it that when I went to sleep at 1 in the morning, it wasn't even raining. Then when I awoke this morning, the skies were clear and it is now about 75 degrees outside. Flash storm? Southern weather? Very cool...

"descent"-Carlos & Jason Sanchez

Best Singles? Here is a start...

This Brooklyn based band is bringing back disco with no shame whatsoever. I am totally fine with this, especially since they are bringing to muppets along as well. Best single of the year? Top 10 for sure...not to mention the video is amazing as well.




Oh and if you didn't catch the Snoop video...here it is again(oh and yes, definitelyalso one of the best singles of the year. Holy shit. Snoop impersonating JT???amazing) :

Snoop Dogg - Sensual Seduction [EXCLU]
Uploaded by PeteRock

the 10-er...musically speaking

So the Top 10 is pretty cliché and everyone has on and no one cares. And besides everyone is already listening to all these albums anyways right? Sure, there probably isn’t anything on here that you haven’t heard but looking back it will be great to see what the hell was so hot in 2007.

In addition, there are still some records out there I haven’t heard that might blow my lid. (new MIA, Celebration, We are Wolves, White Williams, etc) And really, it is rare for my favorite albums of a specific year are even the albums that get the most play on my stereo. For example this year, I definitely bumped the latest Clipse album and Young Jeezy’s Thug Motivation more than anything else. Nevertheless, this is what I got so far on top…

*Jens Lekman- songs over kortedala

If you are fan of any kind of pop whatsoever, then there is a 99 percent chance you will find this record irresistible. There are parts of this record that sound almost like a Swedish Neil Diamond or dare I say Barry Manilow and yet it is still amazing. It must be his sincerity and awkward lyrics that are clincher. Best live performance of the year.

*Twilight Sad-fourteen autumns and fifteen winters

What? You didn’t download this yet? Well, you better get to it. Four nerdy Scottish guys play earnest rock with a cascading wall of guitar and drums reminiscent of OK Computer at its loudest and loosest. Oh but wait…its just four dudes and one doesn’t even play an instrument. In a year seemingly marked with a slow return to sincerity, this got me the most. Lyrically moving with just the right musical accompaniment where you don’t feel like your being told how to feel but rather just helping you express it. All Music’s review of this album finished by stating, “The density of the Twilight Sad's sound evokes wide open spaces, yet the louder they are, the more intimate they sound -- these kinds of paradoxes make this album a powerful debut.” Well put. This band has the ability to outlast most bands I have encountered over the last couple years. Let’s hope they do it.

*Electrelane-No Shouts, No Calls

Is this last album from them? I hope not. Apparently they have gone on what they call “indefinite hiatus”. It would be a shame but if it were true they would be going out after releasing their most focused and best LP yet. Electrelane has always been a bit of a mish-mash of different styles that never are fully realized to their potential. Here, they are able to perfectly blend it all into a focused and beautiful album that was originally hinted at on their first LP “the lights out”. I think Electrelane is my favorite rock band…if that is what they can even be called.

*Love of Diagrams- mosaic

You got to love the bands that keep it simple sometimes. This Australian trio brings female vocals a la Siouxie Sioux-esque backed by an angular post-punk sound with a touch of surf rock for kicks. I know it sounds like nothing special and admittedly the lyrics feel very much like poetry written on bathroom walls of an art-school. However, these are also part of the reasons why I love it so much. Stripped down, no-nonsense relentless rock that perfectly comes together to create an almost flawless album. These kids aren't doing anything new, but damn if they don’t do what has already been done perfectly.

*The Original Silence-The First Original Silence

Holy shit. I don’t think I have ever wanted to repeatedly listen to a live, improvisational jam so much in my life. (Well…maybe not including some key jazz records.) This is a heavy, moody, eerie and beautiful LP by Thurston Moore, Jim O’Rourke, two members of NY free jazz group The Thing and Terrie Ex from the Ex live in Italy. Mayhem ensues…

*Silver Daggers-New High and Ord

This album is essentially one relentless, apocalyptic noisy no-wave jazz onslaught of a song played eleven different ways. A mean and convincing example that one can be successfully heavy and intense without the use of peddles or by being a metal band. These kids sound like they recorded this in an abandoned warehouse using found instruments and somehow they pulled off one of the most angular and intense albums of the year. Los Angeles has been making me proud lately.

*Talib Kweli- Ear Drum

Okay…there is a lot on this album that I feel like only Talib can get away with. (Holy Holy, I got to get some religion in me like a/like a /holy moley)ß--- Frankly, this is one instance of some corny lyrics that Kweli brings. However, it’s Talib. When he steps up to the mic he is going to be nothing but himself. And that is respectable and makes you like it. Not to mention that there is some great production on this record. I have a soft spot for drug/gangster rap but on EarDrum Kweli seems to often bring the angst and energy of a drug rapper with the mind of an MFA student. I am pretty sure that Kweli is well into his thirties and I think he might have just made the best record of his career. Shake your ass and get educated all in 70 mins or less with EarDrum.

* Prodigy (of Mobb Deep) - Return of the Mack

Did I mention gangsta rap? The solo record of Mobb Deep’s Prodigy is exactly that. However, Prodigy’s laid back delivery and the 70’s soul-drenched blaxplotation influenced production give this record an interesting mood that is both eerie and seductive at the same time. It helps you forget the sometimes not so creative lyrics of Prodigy and allows you to just roll with it for a good 40 mins. However, to give him some credit Prodigy brings back the grime and sweat and hustle of a gangsta that in today’s hip-hop is often overshadowed by gold chains, fast cars and poolside parties. Ain’t nothing glamorous about this record and that is seemingly refreshing.

*Panda Bear- Person Pitch

I have a series of friends that refuse to listen to anything new that is just “re-hashing” something that has already been done a couple of times. While I partially am like this, I do listen to a lot of stuff that would definitely be considered 2^nd or even 3^rd wave knockoffs of past-sound. However, much like this recent album, some bands take an old sound and add or alter it just a bit to create something that is both familiar and entirely new. Sure, he is totally influenced by The Beach Boys and 60’s pysch. That doesn’t mean this sounds anything like that. I can’t help but feel that this album is the direction that I wish Animal Collective had gone-strange, organic, loopy experimental pop pysch. I also must mention that Person Pitch contains probably the most accessible thirteen minute song I have ever heard.

* !!!-myth takes

Oh I bet no on saw this coming. The sad thing about this album is that by the time it came out, !!! had already lost half their fan base with the slow death of dance-punk and their politically disco misstep, “Louden Up Now”. Myth Takes is their fullest and most intelligent record yet. An intense and energetic attack that rarely lets up and at some moments creates the same atmosphere felt on “Remain in Light” or even “Little Creatures” by the Talking Heads. I have a bad feeling this record will quickly (if not already) be forgotten. It would be a shame because its probably the only record(so far) of this entire dance-punk revival that tried to NOT just make white-belt wearing hipsters dance but actually create a lasting, and musically legitimate album that can be appreciated outside the genre. And besides, Nic Offer even shuts the fuck up a bit on this album.

Seriously Seriously Honorable Mentions:

Caribou-Andorra (pop songs influenced by 60’s pysch drowned in reverb and repeated rhythms. Organic, melancholy, lush…great.)

Shocking Pinks- s/t (I am still not entirely sure what this kid is doing on DFA…moody, low-fi post-punk for fans of Josef K, factory records, c-86 stuff.)

Black Moth Super Rainbow-dandelion gum (if Air listened to the Flaming Lips instead of classical music growing up)

King Khan and His Shrines-What is!?(I think this band has more soul and is way more interesting than any other garage-revival band out their. Fun, soulful and even has an ode to Jacques Dutronc!)

Health –s/t (oh los angeles…you make me so happy. Lo-fi and loud, spacious and screamy, angular and intelligent? Shoegazey, post-punk with a love for industrial music and grind? I dunno how to describe this…beautiful at times but also could make you shit your pants. Impressive)

Ponytail- Kamehameha (probably most closely associated with Deerhoof, I can’t help but argue that such comparison doesn’t do this band at all justice. This is surf music for the 21^st century led by a female vocalist who sounds like she is either swallowing the mic or is doing a drunken Mickey Mouse impression. This record is by far the most fun I have heard in awhile.)

Boris with Michio Kurahara- Rainbow (Boris is really good at being heavy in a million different ways. Here they do the laid, back nighttime, after party heavy.)

Justice-cross (This might contain the single of the year...i dunno. Nevertheless, I do have a love for electronic music. I think the first cd I ever bought with my own money was Daft Punk's "homework". I have definitely had a love for it ever since. This is dancy, rocking and moody all in the same. Great stuff...)

Stars of the Lid -and their refinement of the decline (describing good ambient music can be hard. The best I feel is when it creates a solid mood but is never asks for too much attention. This record does that perfectly.)

The Angels of Light- We Are Him (Michael Gira maintains his creepiness filtered through Waits and Cave-esque moods to create his own brand of down and out curmudgeon music. Highlights include Gira yelling, “I am the God of this fucking land!! after a momentary pause in the rhythmic pounding of a piano and drums.)

Radiohead-in rainbows (probably most focused album since The Bends. Turns out pretty good. big surprise I know...

*****************************************************************************
Possible surprises of 2007 that I haven't heard yet that might make it onto this list.

Food for Animals-belly
Clipd Beaks-hoarse loads
These are Powers- terrific seasons
Saturday looks good to me-fill up the room
Daft Punk-alive 2007
gui borotto-chromophobia

we'll see....

a real quick write on writing

can i say that i really love to write. no...not just fiction but...almost anything. well...mostly anything that causes me to use my brain and my knowledge.

I came home tonight, its a friday, and really needed to start on an essay. People are going out, the text messages are coming in but man...i feel so comfortable and content sitting here, struggling to write this essay as i drink my third cup of tea.

goethe once wrote, "Is one alive when other men are living?"

kundera believes that hidden within this question is the writer's condition. He explains that goethe is convinced that "a single glance of a single human being which fails to fall on lines written by goethe calls into question goethe's very existence."

i love sitting here and writing. but if i am not read, then do i fail to even exist? do i continue this in vain? perhaps...

"...everyone without exception bears a potential writer within him, so that the entire human species has good reason to go down into the streets and shout: "We are all writers!"
For everyone is pained by the thought of disappearing, unheard or unseen, into an indifferent universe and because of that everyone wants, while there is still time, to turn himself into a universe of words.
One morning(and it will be soon), when everyone wakes up as a writer, the age of universal deafness and incomprehension will have arrived." - milan kundera from the book of laughter and forgetting

back to spewing words out into the indifferent universe filled with a sea of ears lost of hearing...
goethe wishes you were in weimar...

Some Events

&



Ginger Blaze: http://www.pnca.edu/gingerblaze/

(if your in the neighborhood...you should check out these events.)

Godot

Am i cheating by throwing up my articles on here? I don't think so. Here is the most recent addition to Curmudgeon Corner. I think this is probably the best one I have written so far. Able to actually get my thoughts down the way I would like in 900 words or less.

enjoy...

The art of waiting for our Godot’s

“Have you not done tormenting me with your accursed time? It's abominable! When! When!”- Waiting for Godot

November 3, 2007 was opening night for the outdoor performance of Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot in the lower Ninth Ward of New Orleans. Journalist Cain Burdeau of the Associated Press was in attendance and described the outside setting of the play as surrounded by “ruined houses still untouched since they were flooded by roof-deep water.”
The lower Ninth Ward in New Orleans is one of the poorest sections of New Orleans and was most affected by the destruction of Hurricane Katrina. Today, much of area is still destroyed and has yet to be rebuilt.

This rendition of Beckett’s play, which centers around two men attempting to escape boredom while they wait for the elusive Godot, draws intentional parallels between the characters awaiting his arrival (which never happens) and the residents of a destroyed city awaiting the help of the Red Cross, FEMA Vouchers and other government aid. Marked with elements of existential doubt and moments of insanity, the themes throughout “Godot” additionally connect to the daily condition of life in the Ninth Ward that its residence must experience.
Director of the play and artist Paul Chan expands on the similarity between the play’s theme and the state of the place it is being set in.

“The longing for the new is a reminder of what is worth renewing…“Godot” was my way of re-imagining the empty roads, the debris, and, above all, the bleak silence as more than the expression of mere collapse. There is a terrible symmetry between the reality of New Orleans post-Katrina and the essence of this play, which expresses in stark eloquence the cruel and funny things people do while they wait: for help, for food, for tomorrow.”

The theme of waiting is something that seems to permeate our society on various different levels. Most of these experiences are not that of what Katrina victims have had to endure. However, all of us live our lives in anticipation. We are characterized by a perpetually waiting for something or someone that can be emblematic of our own, personal “Godot”. Despite its different interpretations, Beckett’s play is wholly connected the human experience in society and on a universal level.

If you are religious, you are constantly waiting for a savior, the after-life, or that moment when the space between the divine and one’s earthly existence can be bridged. For others, it can be a life constantly in pursuit of an ambition or that which will make you sense a purpose. Some live their lives as it comes but are not free from societal constructs leaving us in a long grocery line, or stuck on the freeway as time flees by, making us late or simply cheating us from our freedom of how to spend those lost minutes.

As Katrina victims in the Ninth ward know, waiting is tedious and unbearable.
"We waited for Red Cross. We waited for George Bush. We waited for rescue. We waited for housing…" stated 53-year-old Tyrone Graves as reported by to the Associated Press on the night of Godot’s opening.
Yet this can also further emphasize a great outcome or a tragic end. All of mankind must at some moment experience both these polarities.

Waiting was the prisoners of Auschwitz on those last few days before liberation. It is what the third-world child experiences as they await sustenance, the soldier for his target, the elder on their death bed or nine month pregnant mother. It is our sense of anticipation as we wait for our hair turning the color of ash, the orgasm, the alarm clock to ring, the day to be over, dinner, the light to turn green.

And yet all these are more that just solely the act of waiting; they are events that change and define our passing time. Thus the essence of waiting lies in the experience of the moments which we “wait”.

The characters of “Godot”, despite all their longing, are able to discuss and comprehend the nuances of their waiting. What is discovered is a necessary of the “now”. One is only “waiting” if one lets it be that. There is still time to operate until then.

Kierkegaard wrote that “unhappy individuals who hope never have the same pain as those that remember. Hoping individuals always have a more gratifying disappointment”. By constantly committing the recollection of what is to come but continues to not occur disallows us the ability to hope. Yet, to wait and constantly remain in a wishful anticipation and desire is a whole other kind of waiting. It allows us to forget and no longer see our waiting as idle, and ultimately allows us to better act and exist in that condition of waiting.

The residence of the ninth ward assuredly believe that to be able to continue and exist in their devastating condition, they must find a certain balance between all of that which is, and an attitude of continual hope for what may or may not come. It an unfortunate lot to be in. However, to a certain degree it is something that is universally experienced. “Waiting for Godot” and the situation of the ninth ward is a precisely appropriate coupling and a stirring testament towards our human condition. The result is an uncommon example of real life closely interacting with art.

“Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! Let us do something while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed…But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily for once the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us!” –Waiting for Godot

You're still a honky.

Here is an article that I wrote for the most recent issue of The Rearguard. It took a long long long time and is part of the reason for my inactivity over the last couple weeks. Also, some serious drama went down around this article. Basically, we are doing an "isms" issue and one of the writers thought it would be a smart idea to write about what she calls "anti-white-guy-ism". boo hoo whitey...read up! Enjoy...

Portland’s Multi-Cultural Mirage: Examining the current state of Racism

“There is always a purpose when someone is talking about history” – Alfred Doblin

About a month ago when The Rearguard started planning this issue on “isms”, there was no article assignment on the subject of racism. As an all-white staff, our initial actions represented a group of white individuals nervous and hesitant to take on such a subject. The reason for our uncertainty is debatable but it did exhibit a clear, inherent predicament that exists in communities in not only Portland but America at large-white Americans are still timid in talking about the issues of race.

International Studies student, Janine Cunningham is from an extremely racially diverse San Francisco area. Moving to Portland to attend PSU, it did not take Cunningham long to recognized the peculiar attitude and approach towards minorities through an experience with friend from the area.

“It as like a novelty to him. When he meets someone black it’s all he wants to talk about all the time. It’s so bizarre to me that it’s so cool.”

Cunningham experience with her friend serves as an interesting contemporary example of attitudes towards race. Such approaches are mostly harmless but it could also contain negative consequences.

Since the achievements of the civil rights movement in the 60’s, racism has taken on new contours and nuances. The “classic” or overt racism of our past is no longer as prevalent in today’s society. Attitudes of racial biases are now much more subversive and often times even unintentional

Recently, issues of race have permeated in Portland on the topic of the city’s decision to rename some local streets in dedication of minority civil rights activists such as the latest renaming of Portland Avenue after Rosa Parks. However, a city council meeting on the subject of renaming Interstate Avenue Cesar Chavez Memorial Way has caused much debate and opposition that caused Mayor Tom Potter to walk out of one of the meetings. Such contention questions all the pride of our progressive thinking and how strongly and firmly Portlanders stand in regards to issues of race? So far the issue has yet to be resolved.

The term “racism” can differ depending on who you are talking to and what or where you are examining. In its most loose definition it can be defined as prejudice or discrimination based on race associated with a belief that racial differences produces an inherent superiority of one, particular race. However, this definition has its errors when talking about the structure of American society. Such definitions ultimately fail to take into consideration certain important constituents such as what is the dominant and controlling group of our society.

Sociologically racism must also include in addition the racial prejudice the institutional and systematic power to dominate, exclude or discriminate against groups of people based on a designation of race according to the Education Research Advocacy Support to Eliminate Racism. Expounding on the definition, ERASE determines that while racial prejudice can result in mistreatment, racism results in a special type of mistreatment: oppression.

Oppression occurs when racism is a part of the dominant culture's national consciousness; it is reinforced through its social institutions; and there is an imbalance of social and economic power within the culture. In America specifically, whites are and continue to be the dominant culture and the key source for oppression against minorities.

However, many would disagree with specifying the experience of racism to only be exclusively felt by minorities-but that regardless of the fact that white people are the dominate and controlling culture, they too can experience racism. This is often considered “reverse racism”.

Community Studies Professor at UC-Santa Cruz David Wellman is one who argues in his book Portraits of White Racism that this is idea is invalid.

"… racism is culturally sanctioned beliefs, which, regardless of intentions involved, defend the advantages whites have because of the subordinated position of racial minorities.”

Wellman alludes that since white Americans have and continue to be the majority of those that run our government, cities and companies, that they have no right to pull the “race card”. Furthermore, 40 years of supposed (but illusionary) racial equality after 200 years in America of minorities experiencing oppression, bigotry and prejudice from whites, is not enough to balance race in this country. Wellman believes that white Americans still remains at an advantage in society.

Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum who the president of Spelman College in Atlanta Georgia, expounds on this idea in her book Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?

“Racism is a system of advantage based on race. And you have to ask yourself, who is advantaged by this system, and who is disadvantaged? In the U.S., it's the white people who are advantaged. I'm not saying that all white people are actively racist. The question is, are you actively anti-racist? There's no such thing as being passively anti-racist.”

These figures believes that despite direct involvement with any type of racism, a white American cannot remove themselves from their racial historical legacy in this country. In turn, this legacy has given us an unequal and unfair benefit. However, the question remains, should today’s white Americans have to carry the burden of our ancestor’s actions?

Professor at PSU’s Black Studies department Dr. Darrell Milner says yes. However, Milner isn’t so quick to dispel the existence of “reverse-racism”. Rather, he believes that it is an unfortunate but important responsibility that white Americans must accept.

“I think that such a thing as ‘reverse racism’ exists. I wish it wasn’t necessary. However, I believe it is in this day in age.”

Milner went onto explain the importance of recognizing the history of racism in this country and the consequences it has lead to that are still prevalent today. And while such a burden is unfair, he believes it must be recognized and actively engaged. Milner goes on to detail the difficulties that white Americans face is dealing and accepting such a legacy and the burden it contains.

“History has placed this burden on the current generation of individuals. Society should ask the current generation to experience the penalties of their ancestors. Yes, it’s unfair and its more difficult for whites because the never have paid a price before. This causes outrage and mystification. I understand this reaction but it also is representative of the unseen advantage that they still are benefiting from….the reality is though that every other racial groups has experienced the same unfairness. You’re operating on a playing field constructed by earlier racism. ”

In regards to Portland, Milner touches on an ironic and also disheartening aspect of Portland: that while we do pride ourselves on progressive thinking, it seems to come to a complete halt at the subject of active anti-racism. Milner believes that Portland’s progressive reputation is marred with the attitude that talking about something is the same as actually doing something. However, when asked to make a sacrifice, Milner sees a divergent response.

“When people are asked to make a sacrifice a big difference develops between our rhetoric and our behavior. People who pretend to not be racist or colorblind are disillusioned. There are essentially attempting to pretend there is no history of racism. Sure, we don’t have as much of the classic racism of the past and certainly things are better. But as long as you’re silent and innocently accept the benefits of earlier racism then you are being complacent, if not contributing to the problem.”

English Professor Primus St. John holds similar views to Dr. Milner. St. John has been teaching at Portland State since 1973 and moved to the Portland area in 1968 from New York City. From African-American decent, St. John has never really experienced overt racism in his 29 years here other than some housing issues in certain parts of town when he first moved here. However, much like Dr. Milner, Professor St. John doesn’t necessarily consider Portland the most tolerant of cities.

“Ironically, I don’t see Portland that liberal but rather living in an interesting bubble of innocence. The liberalism of New York, Los Angeles, Miami, Chicago seems to be more complex and sophisticated in regards to race and minorities. There is a better understanding in these cities. There is nothing wrong with being a nice town like Portland, but people don’t understand and are kind of nervous about those issues and topics.”

St. John supposes that some of the difficulty with white Americans dealing with minorities and other people from variant cultures in the United States may stem from a foundational American ideology that immigrants must integrate into and become apart of America.

“We tend to insist that people disconnect themselves from their cultural beliefs and history. Either that or we refuse to become involved with what other people are. We want to erase one idea and give them another. Conflict seems to arise when people don’t want to disconnect themselves.”

Professor St. John views call for a certain importance in holding on to such aspects of one’s cultural such as language and emphasize the need and recognition for such tolerance by Americans. Differences in cultural background and identity are apart of what makes America unique and that should be tolerated. However, it also must be recognized that if you are an American, you are also associated with the cultural identity of America as well. For most non-whites, that has been a long history of oppression and discrimination. While for white Americans this has been an experience from an advantageous position.

Many white Americans of today do not want to acknowledge their white privilege. And they would be partially right in contributing their successes from one’s personal qualities and hard work. However while this is not the sole reason for their advantageous position, it must be admitted that they are the product of legacy that has provided them with a certain advantage regardless of a white American’s class standing. Yes, it is true that an individual can probably no longer succeed just because they are white. However, a minority can still fail just because of the color of their skin or cultural background.

In Oregon, race is ultimately an abstraction for many whites. With the percentage of whites at 90.8% in Oregon, whites are more than the majority. With so few minorities in this state it is easy to be against racism when you are not having to competing with the minority for that promotion. However, why are there so few minorities in Oregon? Why don’t you have to compete with them as much for job positions or acceptance into that local university? Once again, it all stems from the legacy that whites have inherited from earlier generations.

The importance of white Americans recognizing the historical legacy and its consequences that they are inextricably bounded to is fundamental in understanding the nuances of contemporary race issues in this country. It is the ultimate first step towards understanding white American’s roles and advantages in society.

However, the most important thing is that white Americans cannot be afraid to openly talk and address such issues. In fact, you probably should regardless of your feelings on current race issues because you are apart of it whether you like it or not. The worst thing you can do is to not openly talk, read or at least address this issue. What will be discovered and learned might change your mind and eventually, society at large.

Take a step beyond your comfortable life as a pseudo-conscious Portlander and engage the multi-cultural community that surrounds you. Why not attempt to better understand their history, their situation, and their experiences? If anything, you owe it to them.

The Racial Report Card of Oregon and PDX

*As of 2006 the state of Oregon is 90.8 percent white while the city of Portland is 77.9% with no specific minority group break the 10% level. In comparison to our west-coast counterparts, Portland remains the whitest with Seattle at second highest at a 70.1% white. Portland is the third whitest city in the United States according to the federal government data of metropolitan statistical areas..

* Oregon is one of only three states that was admitted to the Union whose constitution excluded slavery.

*Oregon took is the only state admitted that actually excluded blacks altogether in our state constitution.

*Oregon refused to ratify the fourteenth amendment which granted black citizenship under equal protection of the law while not ratifying the fifteenth amendment which endorsed black suffrage until 1959! Only 3 other states ratified this amendment after Oregon and those state aren’t in the south.

*Weeks after Pearl Harbor, the Portland City Council created Portland’s first public housing authority which lead to the creation the largest public housing project in the United States; Vanport. Designed as an “instant city” for war workers, the area of which existed on the Columbia River on the North side of town consisted of 5,000 blacks (segregated to a specific part of the community) and was one of only two housing communities in Portland that accepted them. By the end of the war and an increasing decline in war-related jobs, Vanport eventually developed into a haven for the black population and was considered a great concern amongst the Portland population. However, these concerns were quickly answered when the dike separating the Columbia River and Vanport broke and destroyed the entire community.

* With the creation of the memorial coliseum, the development of Interstate 5 and a planned (although still never completed) expansion of Emmanuel Hospital in the late 1960’s a large portion of the Portland black community has been completely relocated under the forces of “urban renewal” over three times in less than 50 years.

* The later part of the 20^th century has seen a rise in the minority population in Portland. However, these years also saw a rise in Aryan white-supremacist groups some of which were (and possible still are) members of the police department. This proved most apparent with the 1985 murder of black security guard and father of five; Lloyd Stevenson. Apparently, in an attempt to subdue the flustered Stevenson’s who was a by-stander during he robbery, a Portland police officer applied a cartoid artery choke-hold on Stevenson’s till he died.

Despite an immediate ban on the choke-hold implemented by the police commissioner, intensity between minorities and police escalated when it was discovered that two officers produced and sold t-shirts bearing the slogan, “Don’t Choke ‘Em, Smoke ‘Em” outside a Police Athletic Club in the precinct parking lot on the day of Stevenson’s funeral. The police officers were discharged but only weeks later exonerated.

* The height of this tension during the 1980’s can be best exemplified by the ruthless beating which later resulted in the death of Ethiopian immigrant, Mulugeta Seraw on Southeast 31^st and Pine by a group of white supremacists known as East Side White Priders.

The Struggle to be Wholly American

Is it possible to be wholly American? This is a topic that seems to have come up time and again in late night conversations with friends at a bar or over a cup of tea. One of the most fascinating things about America is that no one wholly claims to be "American". We always refer our identity back to some ancestral home. Everything from how well we can drink, to the color of hair, to perhaps an argumentative nature is often attributed to the country/culture of our families supposed origin. Or rather, as far back as most of us can trace. It is rare, that any of us claim to be completely American.
The big joke of course at least in my circle of friends is, "well who would want to be?". I am of course partially guilty of this. I have aspirations of living for lengthy periods of time in my life abroad. I have a strong affinity to most things European. And while I would definitely not categorize myself as being what one would think of as a "typical American", it cannot be denied that no matter how much I would like to contribute myself to my European ancestors, the reality is...I'm just an American. not Scottish-German, not French-English...I am American.

Having unfortunately come to that conclusion, the question arises of what exactly that entails. Strangely, being an American is extremely hard to define or even generalize into a stupid-cliche because of the fact that so many of us still do identify with our cultural heritage that goes beyond the states.
There are obviously other reasons for this. (We are big country and Americans vary vastly depending what part of the states you are in, etc.) Nevertheless, it seems to mainly because of our big, ole "melting pot" mentality that causes it to be so difficult to completely identify or correctly describe what it exactly means to be American. (sounds like some essay question for junior high students to win some money and trip to D.C. or something right?)
Many may immediately interject at my utilization of describing America as having a "melting pot mentality". And they would be correct to say that there definitely has been numerous incidents of intolerance, skepticism and downright violent acts against other cultures in our nation's history. Recent events haven't proven otherwise in lieu of the building of a wall on our Mexican border and a general sentiment from conservatives that Mexicans are stealing our jobs and social welfare. However, an irony exists in all of that which is apparent to most of us and defends my usage of "melting pot mentality"; those people may not want them to be in our country but damned if we are gonna stop eating their food, watching their sports players, listening to their music, reading their translated books, etc etc.
The truth is that in America, we are constantly effected by other cultures. This is becoming a symptom of the entire world with the onslaught of a globalization. However, in America we have the privilege to experience many different cultures on various different levels. We are a nation built off of immigration, its in our backyard. How can we not be constantly affected by other cultures?

Unfortunately, our tendency to co-opt these other cultures and integrate them into our american society can sometimes have negative affects on that specific culture. We seem to have a skill at turning them often times into some sort of bastardized, westernized version of what it was originally. This causes misinterpretations and often lessens it into nothing more but consumerist trends. Essentially, this can often take away from that culture. Our co-opt of that culture can over time (usually from well-intentioned but overly liberal tendencies) can blend the differences between us and the culture. Overtime, this in turn seems develops a negative stigma when our differences are openly identified. ( i.e. describing a white kid who "dresses black" isn't me perpetuating a generalization about black people but accurately identifying that gee whiz...maybe there is a large contingency of black people in this country who have a very distinct fashion sense that is different from the way the average white suburbanite dresses. Who are you to take that away from them? Why is that negative again? How did everyone forget where rock n roll came from? No one seems to freak out when an asshole wearing a beret is described as looking 'french') Basically, there is nothing wrong with identifying differences. In fact, they are good to identify as long as they are respected. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be often realized or thought that white kids sporting dreads and listening to bob marley may be a subversive way of contributing to the transformation of jamaican rastafarian culture from something spiritual and sincere to a trendy american fad.

I hypothesize that much of this may have to do with the problem that exist within the original question of this blog, what does it mean to be American? It seems as though we are constantly in a state of identity crisis and thus are constantly searching for any connection we have to other cultures, countries, etc. While strange to say, it seems that the one defining characteristic of our country is to take other cultures, integrate it and have it become apart of us. Or maybe... like us until we can say they are 'us'? (Foucault and the body? Maybe...have to ask Grant about that one.)

This can also of course be applied to our current war in Iraq carried out under the guise of "bringing democracy and freedom to the Iraqi people". What makes us think that our western ideas of democracy and freedom are the perfect solution for everyone else. Is democracy and freedom the ONLY way to solidly identify ourselves as Americans?
I like to think not. In fact, I know from having the fortunate experience of growing up in a very culturally-mixed area of the country that there are a lot of good/interesting and unique things that are wholly and only american. Its just a bit more convoluted and confusing and not always entirely identifiable.

2- I read an interesting article about the life of Thomas Bernhard in a recent issue of The Believer. (yes, I am bring up Bernhard again). It basically described how Bernhard had a clear distaste for the customs of his country-Austria. However, on the other hand, he refused to ever learn another language because he wanted his novels to be wholly Austrian and unaffected by other cultures. Obviously, this is partially impossible. And yes, it sounds slightly nationalistic. However, anyone who has read Bernhard knows that this isn't the case. He merely wanted to be as in touch with where he came from as possible. This in turn, Bernhard hoped, would be revealed within his writings.
Reading this, once again lead me to the question of how could I write and be wholly, truely American in style. Thinking of American literature, who comes to mind? Hemingway? Funny how all his novels take place in Europe and that he spent most of his time NOT in America. Carl Sandberg poetry? -Staunch Socialist. Faulkner? Perhaps. Even then, Faulkner is such a perfect representation of American literature from a certain, specific area in America. One which I cannot identify with at all. It is almost like I am reading a foreign novel. Nevertheless, it brought up an interesting point of discussion which I feel like can be expanded and stretched in a variety of different ways.
In conclusion, being American to me still kind of is annoying and gross. The eagle and the red, white and blue, and cowboy hats and all that. It makes me want to barf. But then look at what it is to be American through who you are, and who your friends are, and it suddenly becomes a bit easier to swallow. I don't think I realized this until I traveled abroad. It didn't really make me 'home sick' but it made me realize that it isn't all that bad back home.
nevertheless, i still want to live in europe.
i'll catch my baseball games via internet...hahahaha...
(p.s. this post was inspired mostly by some recent posts from a couple of my friends...sorry if i stole)

Festen

film review (Taken and adjusted from an essay I am writing for my European Comedy and Satire course):

The Celebration is a disturbing film that successfully draws on its dark aspects to create a story around the taboo subject of incest and the comedy within. Through utilizing the simplified filming techniques of Dogme 95 and by candidly embracing its themes, the film creates an unsettling intimate atmosphere to satirically examine and display the dysfunctions of an upper-class family. The outcome is a film that ultimately proves to be successful at becoming darkly comedic through a conscious and well-created balance between style and narrative.
What proves to be the most important element of The Celebration is the interaction of the characters. In a certain sense, the film is about oppressed individuals attempting to overcome their problems. However, it is through the interactions of all the characters involved that proves to be the key element in helping the story take shape and become entirely horrific and yet wholly absurd and comedic.
This effect is heightened by the film's technical aspects. The unsteady camera work makes the viewer feel directly involved within the film and the characters. However, Vinterberg never lets you feel at ease within the group. Rather, he places you intimately at a seat amongst the rest of the guest and makes you feel awkwardly apart of the scene. Through the shaky camera and close up shots at face-level, the viewer is forced to almost be apart of something that they should not be while simultaneously feeling the same discomfort as some of the characters.
This is also emphasized by the lack of soundtrack throughout its entirety. A musical accompaniment in a film is often utilizes as an indicator or to emphasis a specific emotion being played out upon the screen. The Celebration’s lack thereof proves to only naturally heighten such emotional sentiments. Vinterberg allows the low murmur of conversation and the awkward clinking of dinnerware to be the only indication of the looming emotional reactions of the dinner guest. The lack of musical score in such scenes adds additional elements of realism that Vinterberg is quick to utilize in obtaining an amplified sense of shock, anxiety and embarrassment. Such reactions leak out of the screen and seem to infect the viewer, which further heightens the strange comedy of the tragic situation.
At moments, Vinterberg also allows the viewer to be a voyeur rather than closely involved. It is at these scenes that the film sprinkles comedic elements to make the tragic and vulgar subject matter slightly endurable. These brief interludes often act as a comedic relief. When compared to the greater context of the film, they prove to only further reveal the genius of The Celebration’s ability to find humor within that which is entirely tragic. This causes the film to be all that more disquieting and yet entirely brilliant.
Suggested for fans of Lars von Trier and those wishing Todd Solondz films were a little bit more raw.

Get active(tense)

Second installment of Curmudgeon Corner coming out in a week or two...getting sorta serious and political in this one. And dare I say...hopeful too...


Our Idle Crime

A popular sticker ambiguously stating the date 1/20/2009, implying Bush's last day in office, has been a common sight in Portland for the last several years. I eagerly wait that day along with many of us. However the sticker instigates more than just feelings of hopeful anticipation, but also reveals a much bigger predicament that much damage can still be down from now until that date.
The easiest thing to do in America right now in regards to issues of politics and the state of our civic environment is to point the finger at Bush. And while Bush and co. are the primary individuals for the mess that we and a new cabinet come 2009 will have to face, it is no longer enough to simply sit and discuss it. Does anyone actually believe that getting Bush out of office will suddenly change everything? Continuing to put our faith (and vote) into those opposing him and his policies is proving to do very little. More must be done.
Unfortunately the American people are looking passive and easily controllable. Comparative to our history, the drive of the American people to organize and instigate social and political change is at a low point. The lack of organized protest against the policies of our government is a clear indication of our disillusionment. Yet the absence our dedication is the greatest crime that any anti-war, anti-Bush or anti-conservative American can do right now. Stickers and conversations are not enough. Scrawling “fu*k Cheney” on a bathroom stall in thick, black pen is a mute point.
Is this passiveness the fate of our future? Or can we once again become a country that doesn’t so easily draw their opinion according to party lines but whether or not the social welfare and interest of the greater population is being addressed and met? United we are not, but divided does not need to imply idleness and inactivity.
The issues at hand are not one’s that many of us would disagree over. One would be hard-pressed to find a strong contingent of people in this country who openly supports the justification of torture, the deterioration of privacy or the growing dictatorial inflation executive powers.
The war in Iraq, the failing infrastructure of our nation, our growing national debt, the destruction of our education system, and the increasingly important issue of climate change are all enough to make you mad. But how much of is a priority to you? How much do you really do? What does it take to cause mass strikes and protests in America today?
The answer has yet to be determined. However the likelihood is seemingly bleak. Why? Well, consider your life:
Can you still go to the movies? Can you still play your Nintendo Wii? Can you still check Myspace? Can you still spend an evening in a bar with your opinions and friends? Yes, you can. And as long as a majority of us are still can participate in these activities then major social or political change seems doomed to fail.
In the most recent issue of Harpers, author Garret Keizer wrote an article determining that the greatest depredation Bush’s presidency has caused is the pillaging of hope in the American people. Keizer goes on to call for a general strike by all Americans that would entail a major curtail of consumption, work and activities involving communication such as watching TV or utilizing a cell phone. Despite its passion and logical points of contention against American idleness, the article reads like an unlikely pipe-dream. However, Keizer is quick to attack such disbelief:
“…how readily and with what well-practiced assurance would your find yourself producing the words “It won’t do any good”? Plausible and even courageous in the mouth of a patient who knows he’s going to die, the sentiment fits equally well in the heart of a citizenry that believes it is already dead.”
Over the last seven years America has proven to be almost unwilling to habitually participate in such movements. On Sunday we are protesting, but by Monday we are back at school and our jobs. It is as if we have forgotten how to properly and effectively demonstrate. And that should bother you.
Right now, closing the growing disparity between us and the bureaucrats that run this country is an essential action that must be taken. We must show not only our current administration but those that will come after it as well that the future of our fate will be determined by us.
Can we be assured that a new president will be enough to steer us back into the right direction? The state our current situation should be enough to not allow one to feel safely guaranteed.
Consider: How many soldiers and civilians will die while we wait for the next president, or congressional discussion to arrive? How many prisoners at Abu Ghraib will get tortured? Or as Keizer presented in his article through the eloquent words of the Chilean poet César Vallejo:

“A man shivers with cold, coughs spits
up blood.
Will it ever be fitting to allude to my inner soul?...
A cripple sleeps with one foot on his
shoulder.
Shall I later on talk about Picasso, of
all people?...
Someone is cleaning a rifle in his kitchen,
What’s the worth of talking about the Beyond?”


A bomb explodes in Iraq killing civilians and soldiers?
Shall I play videogames?

a humanist poem.

The poem below I feel like almost reads my thoughts. It is also how i feel sometimes about academics, philosophy, etc...
However, the real reason for me putting this poem up will make more sense with my next blog; which will be an article I recently wrote.
for now enjoy...


A man walks by with a stick of bread on his shoulder.
Am I going to write, after that, about my double?

Another sits, scratches, extracts a louse from his armpit, kills it.
How dare one speak about psychoanalysis?

Another has entered my chest with a stick in hand.
To talk then about Socrates with the doctor?

A lame man passes by holding a child's hand.
After that am I going to read Andre Breton?

Another trembles from cold, coughs, spits blood.
Will it ever be possible to allude to the profound I?

Another searches in the mud for bones, rinds.
How write, after that, about the infiinte?

A bricklayer falls from a roof, dies and no longer eats lunch.
To innovate, then, the trope, the metaphor?

A merchant cheats a customer out of a gram.
To speak, after that, about the fourth dimension?

A banker falsifies his balance sheet.
With what face to cry in the theater?

An outcast sleeps with his foot on his back.
To speak, after that, to anyone about Picasso?

Someone going to a burial sobbing.
How then become a member of the Academy?

Somone cleans a rifle in his kitchen.
How dare one speak about the beyond?

Someone passes by counting with his fingers.
How speak of the not-i without screaming?

-Cesar Vallejo

Art of decay

With the onslaught of school starting last week, my blogs may become less frequent and more visual.

Here is some work by Anya Gallacio who employs natural materials to create her installations. Her work usually changes over the course of time. One of her more famous pieces is "Red on Green" (pictured below) A blanket of a 10,000 roses installed at an exhibit are left to rot and decay over the length of the showing. "Because nothing has Changed" (also below) is similar and utilizes apples roped to an up-rooted tree installed in the gallery. Over time the apples rot and fall off..

i dont think a detailed explanation is needed in regards to what this makes me think of, how i feel about, etc...

enjoy:

In order:" Red and Green", "because nothing has changed"(x2), "beat"

Harpers?

"tirana" jin meyerson

Not to take art cues from Harpers...but on page 21 of a few issues ago a work by Jin Meyerson was displayed and all I have to say is ~!?!@?!@

Really though, whatever you say about Harpers, they are the one of the only major "left"-wing politcal-based publications that is willing to throw art and poetry within the first 25 pages and not confine it to a back page 'A & C' section.

sorry for the grainy photo of the work.

Curmudgeon Corner

So article writing has once again begun. Our first issue comes out the first day of school. Each staff writer gets a column. This year I have one called "The Curmudgeon Corner". Its basically going to be filled with strange, sometimes humorous, sometimes serious musings on culture and society. To please the editor I have been asked to tie it into the theme of each of our issues. The first issue is "The Manifesto Issue". In addition, I have been asked to keep it under 800 words. Anyways, here is my first "curmudgeon corner" piece. Its pretty out of control and I am not entirely sure if I should be ashamed or proud of it. (like most things in my life) In addition, I might be put on a government watch list and/or go to hell because of this.

O’holy and anointed Unabomber…Bring us Back the Car Chase

Faced with a deteriorating environment, catastrophic climate events, overpopulation and an escalating disparity between first and third world countries, it is difficult to determine one’s actions in these times. As earth’s problems mount, our lives simultaneously have become increasingly technological. While creating more convenience, such technology has also caused our privacy and liberties to begin disappearing. Nevertheless, we continue to become interconnected with the inventions of our new, electronic age with little standing up against such progress.
A wholly different world has begun to take shape and the outcome of all of these 'advances' is still unknown. The world is faced with some new and difficult issues that must be dealt with and the imperative question has arisen; how we will deal with these problems?
According to some the answer has already been stated. We have chosen the machine to save us.
Unless you’re Ted “Unabomber” Kaczynski.
Luddites! Anarcho-primitivists! Skeptics of progress, technology and our modern world! Meet your Christ.
Despite his radical actions, Kaczynski isn’t entirely an incoherent psychopath. What many may not know is that Kaczynski wrote a heated manifesto, with many logical and interesting points that any bike-riding, quasi environmentally-conscious Portlander would probably agree with.
Ted’s Industrial Society and Its Future spends its time rooted in addressing early post-Hegelian questions: What are we losing from nature in our evolution and what is progress?
“Among the abnormal conditions present in modern industrial society are excessive density of population, isolation of man from nature, excessive rapidity of social change and the break-down of natural small-scale communities such as the extended family, the village or the tribe.” states article 47.
According to Ted, advances in technology have caused humans to replace real, important activity and goals with what he refers to as “surrogate activity”.
“…a human being needs goals whose attainment requires effort, and he must have a reasonable rate of success in attaining his goals.” states Kaczynski.
Ted writes that increased technology and our modern world allow and cause us to create goals which require little effort. This “activity” allows us to have goals for the sake of having a goals which result in selfish behavior and perversion of society. Kaczynski directly blames conservatives for this and the supposed irresponsibility of many scientists.
“The conservatives are fools…they enthusiastically support technological progress and economic growth. You can't make drastic changes in technology without causing rapid changes in all other aspects of the society as well…such rapid changes inevitably break down traditional values...” states article 50.
Is Kaczynski a prophet? Maybe that’s too far. However, parts of his manifesto are more heated and moving that anything since Mao’s red book.
Thomas Pynchon in a 1984 New York Times article titled Is it OK to be a Luddite? wrote on similar subjects concerning advanced technology. Pynchon determines that the speed of technological advances will eventually overcome and force the modern Luddite to view such progress in a positive light.
Similar to Kaczynski, Pynchon deduces that supporters of advancing technology (conservatives to Kaczynski) have control and the only thing we can do is prepare ourselves for the problems of the unchangeable future.
" …the average poor bastards are completely outclassed. We are all supposed to keep tranquil and allow it to go on…it becomes every day less possible to fool any of the people any of the time…” writes Pynchon.
The words of Ted’s manifesto and Pynchon may spur fits of passion and rage but we must try to deduce from them what can reasonably be achieved. The world cannot return to pre-Industrial Revolution times. Yet, there is one thing that we as Americans can do; bring back a good car chase.
It may seem strange but driving fast successfully is the critical act of modern man asserting himself with control and style over the machine. Furthermore, it is the ultimate expression of the modern individual faced with an impending goal that he/she must use with both skill and intelligence to obtain.
In the recent onslaught of our technological revolution the essence of the car chase is disappearing. Our nation’s law enforcement now have the ultimate and most sophisticated tools of surveillance. Thus, the car chase now is something that is easily observe and quickly halted before it ever gets interesting.
With each new car chase, the first steps back towards a level of balance between technology, the freedom of the individual and nature begin to develop.
Ted and Mr. Pynchon may consider the car chase superfluous and a surrogate activity. However, within the context of what can realistically be achieved, the absurdity of the necessity for the car chase is lessened.
Just imagine what America would be without “On the Road” by Kerouac? Or without such films as “Bullitt” or “The Getaway” both starring Steve McQueen?
Like it or not, it’s an important facet of who we are as Americans.

Poetry (because someone asked...)

I don't write poetry. Well, that is to say, I don't write poetry anymore. Rather, I choose to put all my poetic words into the form of a story now. I don't understand how to write good poetry. Maybe no one does. I feel as if I am missing fundamental tools and therefore have abandoned it all together. Interestingly enough, the other day I discovered the last 4 finished poems I ever wrote. They were written approximately a year and half ago. In continuing last weeks embarrassing entry on worst records I still own, here are the last three poems I ever wrote. They are all without title...get ready to cringe...

she sits awkwardly
on a stool speaking
into a phone with
a language i cant understand.
it jabs at my ears uncomfortably.
her swollen belly is now demanding
attention
but its not quite ready.

outside everything is wet and
people hurry by unaware.
there shopping for sweaters
and shoes.

-----

he tells me she paints and shows
me her work when she is standing
right there.
tells me her typewriter is really
nice, an old smith-corona, she is studying
philosophy and is learning hebrew, been to
europe and
knits him scarves.
"great" i says.
but i got a decent typewriter too
and she wont sleep with him.

--------

i found some old sheets
i used quit a bit
but not anymore.
they saw alot of sand, dirt, sex, semen, tears,
a little blood, hair, fingernails, cat hair,
alcohol, food, and many other things.
they kept me warm good and well.
unlike me however they can be washed clean.
oh heavy memory...oh god...make me a detergent
for the brain.

--------

did it spill out of
her mouth?
get washed down cobblestone
roads and bleed into the
ancient river?
spill spill spill

her thighs are cold.

--------

Alarm Clocks

I need 1,440 alarm clocks for a performance art piece i would like to do...obviously this will take a while and you probably all want an explanation. All in good time my friends...until then...send me your fucking alarm clocks. And make sure they work! Also, if you have any idea on how I can maybe get funding for this...or maybe get free alarm clocks...that would be swell too.

hearts.

send to:

saxon baird

2936 NE Going

Portland Or 97211

Worst albums I own (on a lighter note...)

Okay, enough seriousness and reflections on death and life. A conversation began the other day at work about the worst records we ever owned. Surely, I have blocked many out of my memory. However, I decided to come home and find the worst records I STILL own. Even better, I decided to pull out the worst records I still own that i still ENJOY! here is the embarrassing list....

First, most embarrassing records I still own and i have no idea why:

Aztec Camera-"high land, hard rain"

This is one of those records I bought because they existed during a time and place where other bands where good. Whoops. Fans of Bruce Hornsby should check this out...

Commodores- "Natural High"

I must of bought this because"three times a lady" is on it. But seriously, that isn't even a good song. This is their 6th studio album and feels like it. Boring, and lackluster, The Commodores obviously forgot to this record while doing coke but choose to after they had been up all night and had already run out of blow.

Cursive-"the ugly organ"

once again, one good song. Other than that, its just a bunch of whiny songs about how hard it is to be an artist. Fuck you Tim Kasher...stop crying on stage.

Devo- "Oh no! It's Devo"

Oh no is right. I love Devo but no one...and i mean NO ONE listens to them past the third album (maybe even the 2nd). This is like their fifth and its only redeemable quality is the cover. Check it out:

yep thats right...they are all potatoes, and for whatever reason Mark Mothersbaugh has decided to wear fake glasses with fake eyebrows on them.

Truely a misunderstood genius.

Note: check out their video discography...the video from this album is equally absurd, hilarious, amazing??!

John Denver- "poems, prayers and promises"

uh. uuuuuuuuuuh. uh...


Foreigner - "double vision"

this might be able to go under the "embarrassing records I own but still enjoy...". However, i dunno if I do enjoy it or if I just know the entire album by heart because its something I heard growing up. Another amazing album cover...nice jacket asshole...

Styx- "the grand illusion"

see above.

Hot Hot Heat- "knock knock knock" e.p.

something about this album makes me want to believe that in like 20 years it will be cool and kids that are my age now will want to dance to it.

But there is also something that makes me want to puke knowing that I even own it...

Slapstick-discography

some 3rd wave ska band from Chicago that alot of actually good bands came out of . However, it reality, there is no reason for me to own this. Its not enjoyable anymore, the songs are stupid and frankly no one should own any 3rd wave ska anymore no matter who the founding members are and went on to become. (that includes skankin pickle...give me a break and give it up)

Sublime- "40 oz. to freedom"

yeah this is pretty bad. i tried to defend this to myself but i cant even listen to it. i grew up with it and at some point was a 14 year old snotty surfer who thought this was cool. oh well...

the decemberists- "castaways and cutouts"

I actually know why I still own this and it is because of one, really good song that the singer was never able to re-create. Other than that, this album is pretty impossible to listen to all the way through. An easy listening version of Neutral Milk Hotel. In fact they don't even deserve that...how about Phil Collins fronting a bar band from a small harbor city. I know this may offend some of my friends but guys...guys...really...c'mon....no really....they all look like math teachers...and not in that good way.

Aston "Familyman" Barrett- "Cobra Style"

I dont own a lot of reggae or dub. I am more a fan of rocksteady(jamaica's version of soul music). Although, I think there is some good stuff out there. Unfortunately, this is not it. Made up of various tracks of awkward reggae songs recorded in the late 70's and early 80's, its sounds like some of these bands are doing an interpretive Brian Eno songs....so awkward!

Medeski Martin and Wood -"the combustication" and "the dropper"

these are albums that phish fans listen to when they want something "heady". these guys may be amazing musicians...but it just sounds like a jazzy version of yngwie malsteem. (i.e. lots and lots and lots of wanking...) why i own TWO of them...is still a mystery.

The Get-Up Kids- 3 records.

Get up kids? 3 of them!!??! At one point this shit was something I loved. Then I grew up a bit...went back to it...and realized how much they suck and were directly ripping off SO MANY BANDS that are way better. barf. i must still own these because the record stores wont buy them back.
____

Ok now to the really embarrassing stuff:

Most embarrassing records I own and absolutely love (or still somewhat enjoy.)

Eddie Money - "s/t"

Fuck all of you. Eddie Money's first record is so hot. Nothing gets me going like "two tickets to paradise". I have honestly never met someone in my generation that likes Eddie Money. I love him forever though. Nothing can take Eddie from me.

the Eagles-"one of these nights"

Jeff and I are the only people we know who dig The Eagles. Maybe its because we are from California and so are they. I dont care how much they may have ripped off southern rock....I still love them.
I'll take "lyin eyes", "one of these nights" any day.

Bob Seeger- "against the wind"

whatever...so the guy sold one of his songs to chevy. he was probably just thinking about paying his children's college tuition. I like stuff that has no B.S. too it. Just straight up, sweaty shirt, no pyrotechnics rock. That's what Seeger is and i appreciate it and even like it. Have you seen these guys teeth? They are horrible...total rocker...not rockstar.

Alkaline Trio-"s/t"

I can sing every song, word for word on this record. Honestly, it still baffles me that this guy wrote these lyrics when he was in his mid-20's. They sound like they were written by a 13 year old. Maybe thats why I love it still....

Basement Jaxx- "kish kash"

I dare you not to dance to this record!

The Blow "paper television" and Feist " let it die"

I put these together because I have been called a "fag" more than once for listening to these albums. So be it...

Saves the Day- "stay what you are"

yeah, i cant say much to defend myself on this one. Nostalgia definitely plays a factor but I seriously have tried to sell this back and decided not to at the last second more than once. I know all the words too...seriously embarrassing....oh well...

note: i visited a friend in D.C. that I hadn't seen in ten years.(so when we were like 12.) She had a mix in her car made up entirely of music she listen to in High School. The first song on this record was the first song on her mix. Needless to say, we shamelessly rocked out.

gogogo airheart- "exittheUXA"

Probably most people dont know these guys but those of you that do are definitely shaking your heads. I dunno if there is actually anyone in the world who still likes and even listens to this band...but I will always be a fan. I have no excuses...

Cornershop- "when I was born for the 7th time"

Is this embarrassing? Pretty much...but only because they are known as a one-hit wonder with a song that talks about wanting to have a bosom for a pillow. Nevetheless, I still rock this every now and then. Who doesnt want to listen to a cover of "Norwegian Wood" entirely in hindi?

Okay that is pretty much it. I am sure there is other stuff you could come over and see that I have and laugh your ass off about. But this is all you get...